Living life even with the end in sight.

Our dog Nila died of a sudden heart attack during the summer of 2020. She was 9-10 years old. Our lovebird Shakespeare died in the fall of 2021 and we got to see him and adapted as he physically declined. We had him for almost 19 years. We just got a 2 month old Dutch blue lovebird and I’m feeling melancholic about our animal family members who passed on.

Pandemic living was good to our pets. I don’t think I’d seen them any happier since the family started working and going to school from home. Having at least 4 warm human bodies to lean on, play with, get rubs, fed with treats and be affectionate with at all times of the day. They looked like they were secure, safe and happy.

Nila had always been a 20lb canon ball of a dog when there was a ball or squirrel to be chased. She was always happy to go for a few kilometre walk but she was slowing down for the year leading up to her passing. She was sleeping more and happy to do nothing but still interested in springing to life when a squirrel trespassed in her yard. But the sounds of snoring along with grunts and groans to voice her displeasure of having to not be lazy were increasing with becoming an older dog. We also thought she felt she owned the place minus what Shakespeare laid claim to. She was ever an eternal optimist, never deterred for long by a “no” because to her, no meant “not right now, but later”. Everything about her just seemed happy which is why her suddenly falling over after successfully chasing a squirrel up a tree was such a shock to us.

With Shakespeare, the decline was gradual. He hadn’t flown for about 10 years but he climbed and fluttered everywhere. However the last stretch of a year or so, he would lose his balance more easily. He was happy for and even sometimes grumpily demanded human assistance in getting things for him. I referred to him often as the grumpy old man of the family.

HIs days and evenings for the last few months was sleeping all cozied up on one of us. When it became apparent that he couldn’t stay up on a perch at night, we got a little felt tent and put him in it head first at bed time. By morning when he heard us coming downstairs, he’d awkwardly turn around and stick his head out to look, expecting to return to a cozy human nest for the day. This lasted a month or so until one day, he didn’t.

It was very sad to have lost these two beloved pets. All the time spent with them, all the affection that these small animals and us humans had for each other. Having, of all things, a territorial guard bird and a velcro dog that got her desire to stick to people all day long and be spoiled. It’s been too easy for me to get wrapped up in missing them especially as the family took in a new bird. A bird who is currently on my shoulder under my shirt sleeping as I type away.

The key things I have to remind myself is that Nila lived a pretty full and happy puppy life and died suddenly doing what she loved. Her heart always quickened and body tensed up whenever she sees one of those “S” word animals in her yard or a bouncing ball. I think in those last moments, there likely was some panic as her body betrayed what she wanted to do but we were there. We were petting her and telling her that she was a good girl and we loved her as she went limp.

With Shakespeare, as we saw him decline, we made sure he was warm, ate as much as he could and always had someone’s neck, chest or hair to puff up and nuzzle into. On his last night, we tucked him into his tent warm and cozy and I’m sure he passed not long after as I looked in on him a few hours into the night and when we checked on him in the morning, he was still in the same position as when I checked on him. The months or years leading up to that moment, he was spoiled rotten and from what we could tell, happy as all can be. No sign of any distress that I’ve ever seen in other pet birds we’ve had that could be seen as misery that one could think should be ended.

It’s easy to say they’re animals and have simpler needs, not sentient, etc etc. But I’ve seen dogs hurting and unhappy with their ailments as they are miserably looking for comfort from their owners. I’ve seen birds shaking anxiously on the floor of their cages and unhappy to be handled. So, I think there is something more to the animal world being separate from humans than what some people like to think.

There is definitely something to take away from the lives and deaths of our two non human family members. It should counter my anguish and anxiety I had of losing family members that I watched physically decline toward their deaths. An anxiety that is also fuelled by my worry about loss of quality of life when my time comes.

But I guess taking a page from Nila’s life, I should live life happy go lucky and be eternally optimistic. From Shakespeare’s decline, be happy with what I have, the love of family/friends, whatever treats I can handle. Try not to be bothered as things slowly stop working yet work with what I have left until I can’t.

For now, there’s time still and decent quality of life. It is precious time. Cherish it and hope that one day in the distant future as my life passes in front of my eyes, those beloved pets will also be there to greet me and guide me on.